I Feel Like Letting Go...
The more I am being asked to register for taking my Maths and Science again, the more I am reminded of my past. When I received my O Level results, it hit me really hard in the heart. No words can described how I felt on that day. It has been tormenting me since then. The more I think about it, the more it backfires on me. It's because my parents have to pay for all of the expenses. Plus, my brother is still in NUS and my father is not working. I really don't know what to do!!!Right now, I feel like crying although it's not like all my problems will be solved. But I just really need to this thing out of my head. I can't bottled it up anymore. Everyday when I look at my mother's face, it's different now. I know, she is very disappointed in me of my results. But she doesn't want to show it. She didn't scold me when she saw my results. But I know for sure that she was heart broken. I don't feel the same kind of love that I used to feel before. Nowadays, she often scolds me and she will just let me make my own decisions and not giving me advice. I feel like she has given up hope on me. I know I have shattered her dreams of me for making it to the Poly.
I still remember last year when she told me that I have to get 15 points for my O Levels to go to Poly. I still remember her writing it down in a piece of paper and the look in her eyes were full of hopes. Her face just lit up with happiness. But I failed to do so.
I am such a LOSER!! I really don't know what to do now. All I want right now is to turn back time and fulfill her dreams of me. I want to get 15 Points for my O Levels!! All I want to do is to make her happy and see the smile in her face again. I her to feel proud of me as her daughter. If only I could do that. Only then I will feel happy to see her happy. I really don't know what to do. Help me. I can't hold on much longer.
posted by h0sriNa @ 10:50 PM
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